Guffadi

Heads and tales: Oli’s Euro trip

- Guffadi, Kathmandu

Jun 14, 2019-

While our great Prime Minister Oli Ba is having fun in Europe, our Nepal Police is busy using their boots, laathis and water cannons against peaceful protesters who are not happy with the government’s Guthi Bill.

Now all he needs to do is visit a few African and South American countries and Australia (maybe even Antarctica) and become the first Nepali Prime Minister to visit all the continents in the world. Yes, he should waste our taxpayers money while he can because his time in Baluwatar will come to an end soon.

Come next election, most Nepalis will probably vote for Rajesh Hamal’s political party rather than make Oli our prime minister again. Imran Khan finally became Pakistan’s prime minister. Imran is like Rajesh Hamal of Pakistan. He is educated, well-spoken, handsome, is likable, and dresses well--unlike our evil netas.

So Rajesh Dai, if you’re listening (reading), it’s about time you opened a political party. Sorry, Rabindra Mishra and Ujjwal Thapa just couldn’t hack it. But our superstar should be our prime minister and hopefully one day, all Nepalis will be making at least a crore a year rather than just our manpower sahujis, thekedars and chor byaparis--not to forget our hakim sahebs and netas who get chiya kharcha from these tax-evading evil-doers.

Our protesters think that land mafia will steal all Guthis’ property across the country. What they forget is that these chors do not need any laws to steal land from the government or even the public: they have been doing it for all these years. Our government just wants to make it easier for them to sell such land to others and make billions and even trillions in the process. Yes, it’s about time we scrap all the jatras because we can do away with our culture and tradition. We don’t have a king anymore. We have a rastrapati who is more expensive than the king. We have hundreds of mini-Maharajas who gets to waste billions of rupees from our treasury. The king failed when he had the chance. And now our netas are failing us and making us doubt them again. If this is how our netas roll then one day we might be under the Army’s rule or just be a puppet state for our chimeki.

Oli Ba goes to Switzerland to eat Toblerone and Yodel. If Oli Ba really wants to make our land like Switzerland then he should follow the Swiss model where citizens can challenge any laws passed by the federal assembly. Yes, Oli Ba do not violate our right to speak freely, to assemble freely and to practice our faith without fear of persecution. And please respect our human rights. It’s about time our security forces practice restraint instead of showing us their kung fu skills because if you continue to use violence then one day, the people will go crazy and all your tear gas, water cannon and even real bullets will not stop them from exercising their right to protest. Let us hope that day will not come because at the end of the day, we are all Nepalis and our IGP saheb should understand that as well.

Oli Ba goes to the UK and tells the British that he believes in democracy, free speech and all that natak that comes with being a democratic country. Oli Ba tells the world that freedom of speech is crucial to develop a country and make it prosperous. But the government’s plan to control the media and use force against peaceful protesters clearly shows that our great communist government does not support freedom of speech in our land and if we were to believe Oli and what he said in the UK then he does not want to develop this country or see us prosperous. He just wants to make all the mafia wallahs--from the transportation sector to the medical sector--happy and get some chiya kharcha from them. Oli boasts about spending 14 years in prison in his fight against the Pancheys. But he has forgotten it all since he became our prime minister.

And what’s up with the Queen not inviting Oli Ba for high tea at Buckingham Palace? We Nepalis must protest peacefully in front of the British Embassy here for the Queen’s dissing of our prime minister. Okay, the Queen was probably busy, but why did Prince Charles or even Prince William entertain Oli? Nothing wrong with Harry. He is a nice lad and he’s been to Nepal to help out to build a school or two but it may be time for the government to finally scrap the so-called three-way treaty with the British and the Indians that allows them to recruit our folks in their armies. Yes, scrap the Singapore deal as well.

Oli should just call Trump and make him an offer he can’t refuse. Allow Nepalis to be recruited to the US Army, but then again Trump doesn’t want to do anything with the immigrants.

Maybe, we can wait until 2020 because American voters do go wild once in a while. And the American deal will make is impossible for our chimekis to act funny. But if our government was really smart then they would offer the deal to the UN wallahs. Yes, let us scrap the Nepal Army and make them the UN Peacekeeping Force. Our generals and soldiers will get paid more and get more respect from the world. The charm and honour of serving in the Nepal Army is not like it was before the so-called civil war. And Nepal Police has a major image problem--the people don’t have the best impression of them.

Oli Ba also met with the British Prime Minister Theresa May who is on her way out. Maybe our politicians should learn a thing or two from the netas around the world: they resign when they feel that they have failed the country or the party or the people, but here in our land, our netas don’t want to resign even when we all know that they have sold our country to the highest bidder.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.co

Published: 15-06-2019 07:00

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